You’ve heard them. You’ve groaned at them. You’ve probably begged someone to stop telling them. Welcome to the worst dad jokes of all time—the kind of jokes so painfully bad they loop right back around to being hilarious. 😄
In this article, you’ll get a massive collection of clean, family-friendly dad jokes packed with eye-roll–worthy puns, awkward punchlines, and lovable cringe. Whether you’re a dad, know a dad, or just enjoy funny jokes, these are guaranteed to make kids laugh and adults sigh loudly.
🧦 Classic Groan-Worthy Dad Jokes
These are the timeless legends—the jokes dads have been telling forever, no matter how many times everyone says, “We’ve heard that one.”
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack up.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
- I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
- Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field.
- I used to play piano by ear—now I use my hands.
- Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- Why did the math book look sad? Too many problems.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
Now that you’ve stopped laughing (or groaning), let’s make it worse.
🧢 So Bad They’re Good Dad Jokes
These jokes are painful. Uncomfortable. And somehow… unforgettable.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know which comes first.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- I told a joke about construction… still working on it.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
- I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- I once got fired from the keyboard factory. I didn’t put in enough shifts.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- I tried to write a chemistry joke… but I got no reaction.
These truly earn their spot among the worst dad jokes of all time.
🥁 One-Liner Dad Jokes That Miss the Mark
Short, quick, and brutally awkward—these jokes hit fast and miss hard.
- I’m terrible at math, but I know 2+2 is fish.
- I told my suitcase there’d be no vacation this year. Now it’s depressed.
- I’m friends with all electricians—we have great current connections.
- I tried to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport—I’m just good at kicking it.
- I once swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel weird.
- My computer sings sometimes. It’s got a Dell.
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
- I told my phone to stay positive—it lost its charger.
- I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Don’t worry, it was a soft drink.
Still smiling? Let’s keep going.
80+ Jokes for 6–7 Year Olds That Will Make Kids Giggle Non-Stop
🧃 Dad Jokes Kids Love (Parents Regret)
These are clean, silly, and perfect for kids—yet guaranteed to drive parents a little crazy.
- Why did the kid bring a ladder to school? To go to high school.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing—it just waved.
- Why did the banana go to the hospital? It wasn’t peeling well.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.
- What did one plate say to the other? Dinner’s on me.
These jokes prove clean humor can still be painfully dad-worthy.
👟 Everyday Dad Jokes That Make No Sense
These come out of nowhere—usually in grocery stores, cars, or while fixing nothing.
- I named my drill “Phil.” So I can say, “I’m feeling bored.”
- I told my fridge a joke—it couldn’t stop chilling.
- I asked the lamp if it was tired. It said it was light-headed.
- I tried exercise, but I kept losing my balance. Turns out it was a step too far.
- My shoes don’t trust me. I’m always tying them up.
- I tried to organize a hide-and-seek tournament. It was hard to find good players.
- I gave my alarm clock a compliment. It was very uplifting.
- I told my car a joke—it stalled.
- My pen ran out of ink. It couldn’t draw conclusions.
- I tried to cook a joke… it came out half-baked.
Yep—definitely contenders for the worst dad jokes of all time.
🧠 “Thinking” Dad Jokes That Try Too Hard
These jokes want to sound clever. They usually don’t succeed.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
- I tried to catch a thought… but it slipped my mind.
- I have a fear of speed bumps. I’m slowly getting over it.
- I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
- I told my brain to relax. It overthought that.
- I was going to tell a time-travel joke—but you didn’t like it.
- My thoughts have Wi-Fi. Weak signal, though.
- I tried to make a logic joke. It didn’t add up.
- I named my thoughts “downloads.” They take forever.
- I started a joke club. Attendance was hit or miss.
They try. Bless them.
🎒 School & Work Dad Jokes Everyone Hates
Perfect for embarrassing kids or coworkers—especially in public.
- Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because the students were so bright.
- I told my boss I needed a raise. He said, “Stand up.”
- Why did the employee bring a ladder to work? To climb the corporate ladder.
- I told my coworker a joke about deadlines. It was overdue.
- Why was the office so cold? Too many drafts.
- I got fired from the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
- Why did the pencil quit its job? It was pointless.
- I asked my boss for a joke break. He said, “You’ve been one all day.”
- My job and I have an understanding—we ignore each other.
Classic funny jokes… if you’re the one telling them.
🧓 Ultimate Cringe: Peak Dad Joke Energy
These jokes represent the final form of dad humor.
- Hi hungry, I’m Dad.
- That’s not a bug—it’s a feature.
- I don’t need Google. My wife knows everything.
- I walked into a bar… again.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
- I’m not sleeping—I’m resting my eyes.
- This joke builds character.
- I paid for invisible ink. I can’t see where my money went.
- I told you this would be funny.
- You’ll laugh later.
Congratulations—you’ve survived the worst dad jokes of all time.
Conclusion
If you made it this far without groaning, congratulations—you’re officially dad-joke resistant. 🎉 These worst dad jokes of all time may be terrible, but they bring people together through shared laughs, sighs, and eye rolls. Share this article with a friend, a parent, or someone who proudly tells bad jokes on purpose. Remember: a joke doesn’t have to be good to be legendary—just confidently delivered.
FAQs
What are dad jokes?
Dad jokes are simple, clean jokes—often puns or one-liners—known for being cheesy and groan-worthy.
Why are dad jokes so bad?
They’re intentionally predictable and awkward, which makes them funny in an ironic way.
Are dad jokes family-friendly?
Yes! Most dad jokes use clean humor that’s safe for kids and adults.
Why do people love the worst dad jokes of all time?
Because they’re harmless, relatable, and create shared laughs—even when they’re painfully bad.
Can anyone tell dad jokes?
Absolutely. You don’t need to be a dad—just confident enough to tell a bad joke proudly.
